Today I Am Grateful For…
One of the most transformative practices that I share with my clients is daily gratitude. Many dismiss this as fluffy. They are missing out!
When you are struggling, it’s easy to fall into a funk and think there is nothing good in your life.
We need to create a shift and start to pay attention to all the good stuff.
Each day, either when you wake up or just before you settle down to sleep, write down three things that you are grateful for.
It can be ANYTHING! Like…
Dolly Parton, Dolphins and Norfolk Island Pine Trees!
It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it matters to you.
The important part that people often forget is that you need to feel gratitude and appreciation for what you write down.
Do this for at least 21 days, as this is how long it takes to establish a habit.
The more you do this, essentially, your brain is going get used to being asked what it’s grateful for and will start to pay more attention to the good stuff.
This is a lovely thing to do with others and is especially good for kids. With little ones, gratitude might be too big a word, so you can just ask them what they enjoyed about the day.
Keep your gratitude notebook/journal nearby, and if things feel tough, you can look back at all the things you’ve been grateful for in the past, and the chances are you’ll feel better.
We get what we focus on the most, so let’s focus on being grateful!
Give it a try, and let me know how you get on. Remember to let yourself feel the gratitude.
Big Love, Be Well
1 / Paul, what would you say to your younger self?
I had a really hard time at school; I was bullied a lot, I was quiet and shy, and I had very low self-esteem, so I was an easy target to pick on. I would, and have, told my younger self in those school days that the things the other kids say are not true and not to let them get inside your skin, your head, or your heart. Bullying has a terrible effect on the psyche; it undermines a person’s sense of self and can affect them for years. I’d tell my younger self that he mattered, and things would improve, and you know what they did! I often do this kind of work with coaching clients. We identify the part of the self that needs a boost, and we imagine telling them what they need to hear. It’s powerful stuff and makes a huge difference to people’s sense of wholeness. I would also reassure my younger self that all he needs to be is himself, which is enough.
2 / As a coach, is it hard to listen to people’s sad, tough stuff? How do you handle it?
Of course, it’s hard; you would have to be a cold monster not to empathise with people and probably not suited to coaching if you don’t genuinely care about people. It’s the worst when people have been mistreated by people whose job it was to love them and keep them safe. I always feel so humbled that people feel safe with me to talk about their deepest feelings, experiences, and fears, and I am so pleased that they have found the courage to address what’s bothering them. So, I always have this feeling of hope for people that they’ll overcome their difficulties and be happier. The “sad, tough stuff” in life does not define you, nor does it need to limit you. I can always see people’s potential, and that is what I focus on while they are with me. Whatever the “mess”, as people often call it, we figure it out together and seeing people sound and look lighter is the best feeling. There is often this moment in coaching when people get clarity, a lightbulb moment; they often say, “I’d never have thought of it that way”, and you can see something has clicked or shifted, this look of clarity and you know they’ll take that learning and make positive changes. People have always been kind to keep in contact and let me know how they are doing. It’s just the best feeling to know that they have made their lives better and that they are happy. What’s even more lovely is they’ll tell me how their families, friends and colleagues have benefitted from the tools I taught them.
3 / In your opinion, what makes a good coach?
The foundation of good coaching is genuinely caring about people and wanting the best for them. You have to have passion for and be interested in people. You also need to be a great listener, giving people the space they need to tell their story. You build trust by listening and not judging. It’s also about helping people put the pieces together rather than doing it for them. You need to know the right questions to ask to help people find answers. Life-long learning is also key as you can only take people as far as you’ve been – as one of my early mentors used to say. Coaches are good if they help you move forward. Whenever I look for coaches and mentors for myself, the first thing I look for is whether they seem happy, contented and fulfilled themselves. Good coaches need to walk their talk. Most of all, you need to feel safe with your coach; if you feel like they are judging or don’t get you, it just won’t work, as you’ll hold back from saying all that you need to say.
4 / Who do you look up to and why?
The first person that immediately springs to mind is my Godmother, Sue. For all the 40 years I have known her (my whole life), she has been the same lovely, wonderful and warm person. She is the kindest, most sincere and authentic person I have ever met. I have never heard her say an unkind word; she is wise and pragmatic and has the most glorious laugh that lights her up. I have always aspired to be like her. She is a truly special lady.
5 / What are your favourite words of wisdom?
Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better”, and that is core to my coaching and my life. You learn, you grow, you grow, you thrive. Also, “Move and the way will open” is a zen proverb, and it reminds us that we need to take action. You can’t sit around and expect things to change. Find the next smart or right thing, and the way will open. Take one step at a time. Gosh, there are loads of others I could mention. It is so important to have role models and people we are inspired by.
6 / What makes you proud about the last ten years?
I started a master’s degree in 2021 in Consciousness Studies and will likely finish in 2025. I am so proud of how I have evolved since I started. It’s a multidisciplinary blend of psychology, philosophy and other disciplines that were quite intimidating to me when I joined. My inner critic told me, “Who do you think you are to be doing this? You’ll never be able to do this”. Luckily, I am well-versed in dealing with inner critics. At one stage, I was studying quantum theory with an incredibly learned professor, and I felt out of my depth; I stuck at it and had great feedback on my research papers. The professor even invited me to do a PhD in Quantum. That was a very cool moment! I am proud of my tenacity, passion, and hunger for learning, and I always want to keep learning so that I can be the most effective coach that I can be.
I am also super proud of the working relationship I’ve had with Nationwide Building Society for the past nine years. I have supported people through organisational change and redundancy, delivered for their wonderful employee networks and held live wellness call-ins to support people through the pandemic; we had 500 plus people at a time listen live to those calls and had such great feedback. I received really moving messages from people saying they didn’t think they would’ve gotten through that time if it weren’t for those calls. One lady called me a safe harbour, which is one of the loveliest things anyone has ever said to me. It was very humbling to guide people through such an uncertain and scary time.
7 / What important lessons has life taught you?
You have to learn to value and be kind to yourself; everything good flows from that. To do that, you need to accept all that you are: the difficult start to life, the poor choices you made in your teens, the neurodiversity, the quirks and everything else that makes you; you. You need to do the work and put in the effort, or nothing will change. Perfectionism is exhausting and pointless. And you matter and deserve to enjoy your life in ways that are interesting and meaningful to you.
8 / Will you ever write a book, and what will it be about?
People ask me this all the time. The simple answer is yes! I hope to write lots of books. I actually started one before the pandemic, and then I started my master’s degree, so the book went on the back burner. It’s always been on my mind, but I have not gotten back to it yet. I had written an outline, three chapters, and an introduction. I shared it with some people, and they loved it. I also submitted those parts to a publisher and received great feedback from them, too, so thanks for asking this question, as it has brought book writing back to my attention. I want it to be a book that I could give to new clients so they can understand the things I believe in and give people tools to create positive change in their lives. Simple and powerful ideas. I am also really glad that I’ve been doing the masters as it has helped evolve and mature my writing, so I am grateful for that. All things come in the right time.
9 / What would you change about the world?
Gosh, that’s a biggy! The thing that comes to mind first is education. School could be so much better and enriching if we taught our young people things that will really help them in life. Instead, we have them memorise lists and facts that don’t equip them for life and then put them into exams the conditions under which some young people will just not do well in. Why are we setting them up to fail? Having been a teacher for a while, the whole model is a one-size-fits-all, and it doesn’t give kids tools to respond to what life will throw at them. I also wish people could be kinder and more considerate of each other and the planet we all share as our home. I think that also starts from a young age as well, teaching kids to be grateful, kind and considerate.
10/ What drives you to keep coaching, and do you ever want to do something else?
Serving people is my passion. We are all doing our best with what we know at a given time, and at times, we need someone to listen and to help us upgrade our thinking and find solutions. Life is stressful and demanding, and it’s all too easy to get overwhelmed and burnout. I create opportunities and resources and hold spaces for people to figure out and address what’s not working, find solutions, think differently and improve the quality of their lives. I love what I do; I cannot imagine myself doing anything but coaching. It’s not a job so much as a calling for me, and because I love it so much, I see myself doing it always. I tried lots of things before I arrived at coaching at 30 years of age. It all prepared me for this work. What I’ve offered has certainly evolved over the years and I am excited to see what the future holds for me.
Your questions are always welcome please email hello@paulscadding.com if you have questions you’d like me to answer or content you’d like me to create.
Big Love, Be Well